I feel like this is becoming more and more a year of blight. On my garden, of my body, in my soul, around the world. Like the life is draining out and I am powerless to stop it. I lived it so long that I never really noticed, but today it struck me. I simply went out to my back yard with a basket and scissors and I came back with some vegetables and a head full of this. It is a funny thing when clarity strikes. The hard becomes simpler while the simple becomes harder.
Blight on my Garden
I planted this year with grand hopes. 27 tomato plants and a brand new trellis structure. This would be the year! Bushels and bushels to put up: diced, stewed, salsa, sauces, jam, etc.
Looking at it now, many of the plants are withering and I don’t know why. I suspect it has something to do with the neighbor’s walnut tree hovering over it, but it could also be caused by a too dry & hot summer or many other factors. Truth is, many of the plants have struggled to survive since I put them in.
Seems like everything this year has been early with a short season and I have missed so much. Where has the summer gone, and how did I miss it?
Blight of my Body
The blight on my body is more taxing, yet more subtle. Two miscarriages in the last 13 months have left me feeling like a barren desert. Just wrung out; spent; practically hopeless. I know God uses all things and nothing is impossible for Him, but that only helps if He agrees with what I want and I’m not very confident that that is the case right now.
To add insult to injury, I have been feeling poorly for several months or years. Just tired and off, but not really explainable. See a doctor about it you say? Love to but there is the third issue. Without work-provided insurance, we are struggling to get by on the cheapest (and worst) insurance we could afford. Each miscarriage cost thousands of dollars for them to say, “let things run their course on their own. We don’t know why it happened and there is nothing we can do to help (that you can afford).” Thanks. There went our budget. Guess I can’t spend my way out of this funk, or even into any sense of security.
Blight in my Soul
I’ve tried to draw near to God: Bible studies, Bible reading, and other useful books. So far nothing seems to help.I know – the Teacher is quiet during the test. I appreciate the wit in the pithy sayings, but what I really need is living water to quenched my parched soul.
Feeling empty, disconnected, overlooked, and useless. I know there is more, but what more do I need to do to get it? Knowing there is probably nothing I can do in my own strength.
Blight around the World
Anyone else tired of seeing the news? Every day more hate and suffering. Feeling helpless to change anything. I wasn’t even going to comment on this; so many others with larger followings have penned much more eloquent pieces, but I can’t stay silent either.
Turn the news off, but there is so much sickness and suffering just in my own circle and community. I want to help but overwhelm takes over. How can you love the world when you are struggling just to hold things together for one more day; one more minute.
I didn’t want to write this post. What good are my complaints amidst things that are actually important? But this was lodged in my head and refusing me a moment’s peace until I let it loose. Maybe someone else needs to hear it? I surely hope this helps someone. Or maybe someone has some insight to share and I welcome it gladly.
I know the answer, of course. We all do. Pure and simple: love. That is the easy part. The harder question is how? Where to start? How to pour into someone else when your cup is dry. Everyone is stretched so thin these days. Something’s got to give.
Come, Lord Jesus!